BBs Blog

Moonie and I went over to the mall in Odessa recently, and had a great girls day out. I walked out of the hair salon with a gorgeous new short and sassy cut, in a lovely shade of perfectly highlighted golden blonde. When we walked into Furr’s Cafeteria, I was feeling super groovy in that sassy new hairstyle. As we began eating all the food we had piled on our plates, Moonie laid the receipt in front of me and said, “Look at that.” I laughed and replied, “I’m paying, and don’t care what this is costing.”

Moonie shook her head and told me to look closely at the receipt. That’s when I saw that she and I had been given the Senior Plate menu price. What really sucked, was the discount only amounted to a lousy 50 cents. Although it didn’t put me off the food I had piled on my plate, it did sort of deflate my groovy upbeat mood concerning my stylish new look. We are both so pleased how good the Dead Sea face care products have our complexions looking, we had kept makeup to a bare minimum. As we sat eating our food, and staring at the receipt, Moonie sighed and said, “So much for all those Dead Sea products. And I guess we should have used more makeup.” I swallowed the bite of carrot souffle I had just taken, then replied, “I’m not giving up the Dead Sea products. We do look great for our age! But, from now on, I’m wearing more makeup. And I don’t care how good the food is, we are enjoying what is probably our last meal at this place.”

One morning, after carefully putting on more makeup, I went into Monahans for my first salon pedicure. And wow did I feel all perfectly pampered by the time I got out of there. Though when I first sat down in that fancy pedicure chair, and the back of it moved, I came out of that chair like it had turned into one of those really scary aliens. The guy that was going to do my feet looked somewhere between impressed as hell at my agility, and resigned to the fact he was about to do the feet of a totally insane blonde. I gathered my dignity up, then gingerly sat back down in the chair. As I placed my feet in the foot bath, I was careful not to put my back against the chair. At that point Moonie turned to me and said, “Lean back and enjoy the massage that chair will give you.” That’s when the light bulb went off for me, and I realized why the back of the chair was moving in strange ways.

Once I realized the fancy pedicure chair was trying to give me a massage, and not do me bodily harm, I kicked back and had a great time letting it massage my back, while the pedicure guy worked on my feet. As I leaned back and closed my eyes, I said to Moonie, “I’m in a chair that is giving me a great massage, and there is a man sitting at my feet. Life, is good right now.” By the time I got out of the fancy massaging pedicure chair, I had super soft feet, and pretty pink toenails with a groovy flower painted on each big toenail. While my pretty pink toenails were drying, I got a French manicure for my fingernails. What I didn’t get when I paid the bill, was any kind of Senior Discount.

Gravity can be a real bitch. Especially for us mature women first thing in the morning. I stopped gazing in the mirror as soon as I wake up several years ago because the face that stared back at me had a tendency to make me want to scream, “That’s not my face!” Then go back to bed and pull the covers over my head. I’m convinced that gremlins sneak into the bedroom and pull my face out of shape while I sleep. That’s why I always sit up in bed, sip on my morning can of caffeine for at least 15 minutes, and periodically stroke my face in a gentle upwards fashion before I start my morning face care regime. Once I’ve imbibed a good dose of caffeine, and massaged my face enough to undo what those damn gremlins did to it while I was asleep, I am ready to face the day, and the mirror.

Lately, even after I get my face massaged back into some semblance of its usual shape, I’ve noticed the fine lines on my face are deepening, and the crows feet around my eyes are starting to resemble turkey tracks. To help try and reduce those lines and wrinkles I decided to try some of the Dead Sea face care products. After doing some online “window” shopping and comparison pricing I decided to purchase a SeaOra Anti-Wrinkle Kit from a site called Cleopatra’s Choice. This site has a full line of SeaOra products, including bulk baths salts, soaks, scrubs, and mud at reasonable prices.

The Ant-Wrinkle Regime Kit costs $129, and includes a bar of moisturizing mineral soap, exfoliating facial salt, mineral lift serum, intensive anti-wrinkle cream, and mineral eye gel. The price seemed awfully steep to me at first. But after I discovered a tiny amount of everything included in the kit truly does go a long way, I realized that I wasn’t going to be spending any more money on it than I have been by using great gobs of other products. I also noticed very quickly the SeaOra serum, anti-wrinkle cream, and eye gel left my skin feeling firmer and much less greasy than any other product I have ever used.

The difference the anti-wrinkle regime kit made to my overall complexion has been absolutely astounding. After only 3 days I found myself staring in the mirror once more thinking, “That’s not my face!” Only this time I wasn’t thinking that because of what of those dastardly gremlins had done to it while I slept. This time, it was because of how much better my complexion was starting to look. I got so excited about the positive difference in my complexion, I began following the twice daily daily anti-wrinkle regime with an almost religious fever. The only change I have made to the regime concerns the exfoliating facial salt. Because my skin is so oily, and even at age 50 I still suffer from periodic outbreaks of acne, I use it at least once every other day.

As I write this week’s column I’ve been using the Anti-Wrinkle Regime Kit a little over a week now. The lines around my eyes have become slightly less noticeable. And the parenthesis around my mouth are also beginning to fade a little. Nothing short of a good nip and tuck job will erase all the lines and wrinkles time has left upon my face. And thanks to those dastardly night time gremlins, there are always going to be mornings I will still vaguely resemble a Shar-pei pup if I am thoughtless enough to gaze in the mirror as soon as I wake up. However, considering the results the SeaOra Anti-Wrinkle Kit has already produced, you can bet your bippy I will be continuing my twice daily use of it.

I have spent several days this past week trimming the crown of thorns and rosemary in my front border. Both of those plants had gotten totally out of hand. The crown of thorns had branches that had reached rooftop level and beyond. The rosemary looked like some sort of hedge from hell that was trying to creep across the front yard. After working on the crown of thorns for a few moments I threatened to go into Ace Hardware and buy an electric hedge trimmer and chain saw. But, Larry said it was to late in the year to warrant doing that. “You can get an electric hedge trimmer next spring. And I’ve got a chain saw out in the shop if you want it.”

As I continued whacking away at the crown of thorns with the pruning shears I replied, “Fine! I’ll get it trimmed down with these for now. But next spring I’m getting a good electric hedge trimmer. And I can’t even start that gas powered chain saw, much less handle it. I want a nice electric chain saw like Moonie has.” By the time I was finished pruning the crown of thorns my arms were exhausted, and there was big pile of thorny branches lying in front of the now semi-contained crown of thorns.

The next day, as Larry loaded the pile of crown of thorn branches into the lawn trailer I began work on the rosemary bush, grumbling the whole time about how much easier it would be if I just had a decent hedge trimmer. Larry ignored my grumbling, and promptly began bitching about the new pile of rosemary branches that were fast accumulating next to the diminishing pile of crown of thorn bushes. I ignored his bitching about that, and continued to ruthlessly prune the rosemary bush. By the time I was finished with the rosemary bush it looked like a small, if somewhat bedraggled tree like object that may or may not survive the severe pruning it received.

Once all the branches were loaded up and hauled off we took a brief break. As we sat on the front step I kept eyeing the crown of thorns. As I studied it, visions of a small, no more than 2 foot tall, very tightly contained bush were dancing through my head. “It still needs more trimming.” I mumbled. Then I looked at the bedraggled tree like rosemary bush and said, “And it needs some more of those lower branches removed from it.”

Later that afternoon, after I had rested a little more I went back outside and made another small pile of rosemary branches by pruning those lower branches. Monday I added to that pile by working on the crown of thorns some more. As I gazed at one of the larger branches at the back of the bush I debated going and getting the hacksaw from the shop. After a moment I decided to try to trim that branch with the pruning shears. The shears opened wide enough to go around the branch, and I even managed to cut about halfway through the branch. Unfortunately, my skinny arms lacked the strength to cut completely through it. I decided I would remove the pruning shears, go get the hacksaw, and finish cutting that branch. That’s when I discovered the pruning shears were so tightly wedged into the partially cut branch I couldn’t pull them out. I could wiggle them a little, and even turn them some, but damned if I could get that branch to turn loose of them completely.

It was as if the crown of thorns had latched onto the pruning shears in an effort to prevent me from turning it into the small 2 foot bush I want it to be. I wasn’t about to give it my pruning shears though, so I cannily turned the shears slightly and squeezed them as hard I could. By repeating this process several times I finally managed to cut through the entire branch, and get my pruning shears back. That crown of thorns still isn’t the 2 foot tall tightly contained bush I want to see in my front border. But, when I get my electric hedge trimmer and chain saw next spring, paybacks for trying to steal my pruning shears are going to be a bitch for it.

The following is an open letter to President-Elect Obama that explains why his winning this election has left me feeling very hopeful and wonderfully groovy.

Dear President-Elect Obama,

I know some of your ideas and plans scare the daylights out of a lot conservatives. But being the free spirited 50 year old hippy that I still am, those ideas make me want to jump for joy. Perhaps one reason I was so quick to embrace the idea of you as President of our great nation is because unlike a lot of people from my generation, I never entirely let go of some of the radical ideas from the 60’s and 70’s that I thought were so great back then. Your winning this election has rejuvenated my spirit in a way I would not have thought possible a few months ago. Hell, I may even go out and buy a lava lamp to celebrate just how groovy I am feeling right now.

I want to thank you for this wonderful spirit of grooviness I am feeling right now. It has been hard for me at times to sit back and watch as so many of my generation sold their souls to the establishment they once railed against. You are only 3 years younger than I am, so in many ways you are much more of my generation than your opponent was. That’s why I hope you can understand where I’m coming from right now. See, I don’t feel that you sold soul out to the establishment by becoming a politician and getting elected President of our great nation. I think you were smart enough to realize that to truly bring about some of the changes so many people wanted back in the 60’s and 70’s, and still long for today, some people have to find a way to make the establishment work for us, rather than against us.

The way I figure it, I probably still have at least another 10 or 20 years before I finally shuffle off this earth and cross on over to the other side. The thought of spending the next 4 to 8 years of that time with McCain and Palin in office made the possibility of getting a case of early Alzheimer’s look almost like a blessing. Thank goodness you won the election, and I don’t have to worry about either of them winding up in the oval office for at least another 4 years. I just hope you do a really good job during your first term so you get re-elected, and save the White House from being redecorated by Ms Palin. Oh and by the way, I think your beautiful wife Michelle is a wonderful role model for young women everywhere to emulate.

I don’t think you are a socialist, communist, or at all dangerous to our country. Of course, I don’t think you are the Messiah, or the ultimate answer to all our problems either. That’s cool though, because you openly admitted you weren’t born in a manger, and have also made it clear that you don’t think you are the ultimate answer to all our problems. What you have made clear is your belief that We The People can work together to solve a lot of those problems. You’ve also been man enough to admit it is going to take time, and a lot of hard work by all of us to solve those problems.

You are right about We The People being the ultimate solution to the problems we face today, and in the future. Because of your belief in yourself, and in us as a nation, We The People are now beginning a wonderful new journey that will hopefully end in a stronger and more peaceful America. Thank you for being the catalytic force that has re-awakened the hopes and dreams in so many of us.

Sincerely,
Beyond Blonde