BBs Blog

I have spent several days this past week trimming the crown of thorns and rosemary in my front border. Both of those plants had gotten totally out of hand. The crown of thorns had branches that had reached rooftop level and beyond. The rosemary looked like some sort of hedge from hell that was trying to creep across the front yard. After working on the crown of thorns for a few moments I threatened to go into Ace Hardware and buy an electric hedge trimmer and chain saw. But, Larry said it was to late in the year to warrant doing that. “You can get an electric hedge trimmer next spring. And I’ve got a chain saw out in the shop if you want it.”

As I continued whacking away at the crown of thorns with the pruning shears I replied, “Fine! I’ll get it trimmed down with these for now. But next spring I’m getting a good electric hedge trimmer. And I can’t even start that gas powered chain saw, much less handle it. I want a nice electric chain saw like Moonie has.” By the time I was finished pruning the crown of thorns my arms were exhausted, and there was big pile of thorny branches lying in front of the now semi-contained crown of thorns.

The next day, as Larry loaded the pile of crown of thorn branches into the lawn trailer I began work on the rosemary bush, grumbling the whole time about how much easier it would be if I just had a decent hedge trimmer. Larry ignored my grumbling, and promptly began bitching about the new pile of rosemary branches that were fast accumulating next to the diminishing pile of crown of thorn bushes. I ignored his bitching about that, and continued to ruthlessly prune the rosemary bush. By the time I was finished with the rosemary bush it looked like a small, if somewhat bedraggled tree like object that may or may not survive the severe pruning it received.

Once all the branches were loaded up and hauled off we took a brief break. As we sat on the front step I kept eyeing the crown of thorns. As I studied it, visions of a small, no more than 2 foot tall, very tightly contained bush were dancing through my head. “It still needs more trimming.” I mumbled. Then I looked at the bedraggled tree like rosemary bush and said, “And it needs some more of those lower branches removed from it.”

Later that afternoon, after I had rested a little more I went back outside and made another small pile of rosemary branches by pruning those lower branches. Monday I added to that pile by working on the crown of thorns some more. As I gazed at one of the larger branches at the back of the bush I debated going and getting the hacksaw from the shop. After a moment I decided to try to trim that branch with the pruning shears. The shears opened wide enough to go around the branch, and I even managed to cut about halfway through the branch. Unfortunately, my skinny arms lacked the strength to cut completely through it. I decided I would remove the pruning shears, go get the hacksaw, and finish cutting that branch. That’s when I discovered the pruning shears were so tightly wedged into the partially cut branch I couldn’t pull them out. I could wiggle them a little, and even turn them some, but damned if I could get that branch to turn loose of them completely.

It was as if the crown of thorns had latched onto the pruning shears in an effort to prevent me from turning it into the small 2 foot bush I want it to be. I wasn’t about to give it my pruning shears though, so I cannily turned the shears slightly and squeezed them as hard I could. By repeating this process several times I finally managed to cut through the entire branch, and get my pruning shears back. That crown of thorns still isn’t the 2 foot tall tightly contained bush I want to see in my front border. But, when I get my electric hedge trimmer and chain saw next spring, paybacks for trying to steal my pruning shears are going to be a bitch for it.